Sure these have been around for a while but... post some good ones if ya got 'em.

Chuck Norris had a daughter, she lost her virginity so chuck found it and put it back.

Chuck Norris doesnt break wind, he destroys it.

Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.

Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent

There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.


sorry just copied from an email I had.

They once made a chuck norris toilet paper but it wouldn't take $&*# from nobody

Chuck Norris destroyed the table of elements cause he only recognizes the element of suprise

There is in fact an "i" in NORRIS but there is no team, not even CLOSE

Chuck Norris doesn't step on toes...he steps on necks...

...Once you go NORRIS... you are physically unable to go back...

Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass... AT NIGHT

Chuck Norris WAS what Willis was talkin' bout

Chuck Norris does not play the lottery. It doesn't have nearly enough BALLS

It was believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Chuck Norris a giant meteor

hehehe some of my favorites:

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.

Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills People.


THE site for Chuck Norris FACTS