Dining Out

For all of you who frequent restaurants and understand
the need for the service to be faster, this short
story is a timeless lesson on how consultants can make
a difference to an organization.


Last week, we took some friends out to a new
restaurant and noticed that the waiter who took our
order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket.


It seemed a little strange. When another waiter
brought our water and utensils, I noticed he also had
a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and
saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets.

When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked,
'Why the spoon?'

Well, he explained, 'the restaurant's owners hired
Andersen Consulting to revamp all our processes. After
several months of analysis, they concluded that the
spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil.

It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3
spoons per table per hour. If our personnel are better
prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to
the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift.'

As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he was
able to replace it with his spare. 'I'll get another
spoon next time I go to the kitchen, instead of making
an extra trip to get it right now.'

I was impressed. I also noticed that there was a
string hanging out of the waiter's fly. Looking
around,I noticed that all the waiters had the same
string hanging from their flies. So before he walked
off,I asked the waiter 'Excuse me, but can you tell
me why you have that string right there?'

'Oh, certainly!' Then he lowered his voice. 'Not
everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I
mentioned also found out that we can save time in the
restroom.By tying this string to the tip of yo u know
what, we can pull it out without touching it and
eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the
time spent in the restroom by 76.39 percent.

I asked, 'After you get it out, how do you put it
back?'

'Well, he whispered, 'I don't know about the others,
but I use the spoon.'

Little Bruce and Jenny are only 10 years old, but they know they are in love. One day they decide that they want to get married, so Bruce goes to Jenny's father to ask him for her hand.

Bruce bravely walks up to him and says, "Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage."

Thinking that this was just the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies, "Well Bruce, you are only 10. Where will you two live?"

Without even taking a moment to think about it, Bruce replies, "In Jenny's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely."

Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith says with a huge grin, "Okay then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job. You'll need to support Jenny."

Again, Br uce instantly replies, "Our allowance. Jenny gets five bucks a week and I get 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month and that should do us just fine."

Mr. Smith is impressed Bruce has put so much thought into this. 'Well Bruce, it seems like you have everything figured out. I just have one more question. What will you do if the two of you should have little ones of your own?"

Bruce just shrugs his shoulders and says, "Well, we've been lucky so far."

Mr. Smith no longer thinks the little shit is adorable.

The Dept Of Defense Briefed The President This Morning.
They Told Bush That 2 Brazilian Soldiers Were Killed In Iraq .
To Everyone's Surprise, All The Color Drained From Bush's
Face, Then He Collapsed Onto His Desk, Head In His Hands,
Visibly Shaken, Almost In Tears.
Finally He Composed Himself And Asked "just How Many Is A
Brazilian?"

nate wrote:The Dept Of Defense Briefed The President This Morning.
They Told Bush That 2 Brazilian Soldiers Were Killed In Iraq .
To Everyone's Surprise, All The Color Drained From Bush's
Face, Then He Collapsed Onto His Desk, Head In His Hands,
Visibly Shaken, Almost In Tears.
Finally He Composed Himself And Asked "just How Many Is A
Brazilian?"

haha

That's pretty funny man. I liked that one. :)g)

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

A man goes into a Psychiatrist office wearing nothing but underwear made of saran wrap.
The Physchiatrist looks at him and says, "Well I can clearly see your nuts."

Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior is that they must not get even a drop of paint on their habits.

After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their habits, and paint in the nude.

In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door. "Who is it?" calls one of the nuns.

"Blind man," replies a voice from the other side of the door. The two nuns look at each other and shrug, and, deciding that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room, they open the door.

"Nice boobs," says the man, "Where do you want these blinds?"

Ok, one more...

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

"now that there's pretty funny... I don't care who you are."

Dad at the Mall
I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes (he is 92).
We decided to grab a bite at the food court. I noticed he was watching a
teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different
colors: green, red, orange, and blue. My dad kept staring at him. The
teenager would look and find him staring every time.

When the teenager had had enough, he sarcastically asked, 'What's the
matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?'

Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on
his response, knowing he would have a good one, and in classic style he did
not bat an eye in his response:

'Got drunk once, and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son.'

Are ethnic jokes off limits?

One of the girls at work convinced one of the othe coworkers today that Church's was giving out free buckets of chicken in honor of Obama's win (like the free starbucks yesterday).

The girl even called Church's to ask...and the dude yelled at her!

fatbob309 wrote:One of the girls at work convinced one of the othe coworkers today that Church's was giving out free buckets of chicken in honor of Obama's win (like the free starbucks yesterday).

The girl even called Church's to ask...and the dude yelled at her!

lol

That's awesome. lol

Did everyone know that the White House Ground Crew was working over time right after the election was called?

They were tearing out the rose garden and planting a watermelon patch.

fatbob309 wrote:one of the girls at work convinced one of the othe coworkers today that church's was giving out free buckets of chicken in honor of obama's win (like the free starbucks yesterday).

The girl even called church's to ask...and the dude yelled at her!

roflmao

Our soon to be National Anthem 8|

An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a
sperm count as part of
his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and
said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the
doctor's office and gave him
the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous
day. The doctor asked
what happened and the man explained, "Well, doc, it's
like this - first I tried
with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my
left hand, but still nothing.

Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right
hand, then with her
left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first
with the teeth in, then with her teeth
out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady
next door and she tried too, first with
both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin'
it between her knees, but still nothing.

The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"
The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get the jar
Open.

Now that's good :lol: