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3:04:36 PM◄Chris why was ticket sent to merch tech
3:04:52 PM◄14876301

3:04:54 cebrewer@us.i... Because you handle the relationship between the stratus customer and american express


youd think helpdesk would know their job role by now

I had one of the telecom guys ask me what a MAN was.

"Hello Mrs. Customer, I've had your proof for your business card ready for a while now but the email listed for your card is still not working. Is there another email you'd like it sent to or would you like to come down to view it?"
"Oh that computer email doesn't work."
"Ok how would you like me to let you proof it?"
"Well I think my husband has a computer address."
"And what is that?"
"Um I don't know. Let me look around for it and call back."
*calls back*
"Ok I have it, it's T APOSTROPHE BOLT."
"No mamm that's not it."
"Ok try well start it with that character that looks like an arrow but is not."
"I'm sorry which one?"
"You know the one that's like a parenthesis but is an arrow."

After a while I finally figured out she was reading me {tbolt78@gmail.com} as his "computer address"


____________________________

The other day I had a customer tell me 3 times in convo that I had to make sure that I used all caps for her email or it wouldn't go through

...Ahhhrggg!!!!

Ticket description says {'Loan Admin Mortgage Portal' loan search does not display the webpage}

12:37 PM Virgil - Hi, you are having issues with LAMP?

1:00 PM Judith - LMA

1:01 PM Virgil - LMA?

1:01 PM Judith - yes

1:02 PM Virgil - What does LMA mean?

1:03 PM Judith - yes

1:03 PM Virgil - Ok.

I give up!

Flowershop worker comes in:
Do you charge more to ship this USPS Priority box?
Do you mean, does this shop make any profit if you use our services?
No does it cost me more?
Which flowers do you sell at cost?
Ah

Last week my company phone went Jihad & jumped out of the holder & to it's death.
So I once again find myself at the mercy of our IT guy :(
Me: phone jumped, crashed & died
Him: okay remove & replace battery & turn back on
Me: did that several times it's dead.
Him: bring it it.
So I end up with another used phone & ask
Me: where's my contacts??
Him: oh Verizon will need to swap them I can't.
Take phone to Verizon & no can do phone is dead.
So I explain this to Mr IT guy.
Him: did you use the backup assist?
Me: no
Him: well you should of.
Me: you had me sign a paper / contract on this phone stating I'd ONLY use it for company business & only use the phone / PTT features & that I was NOT to use any of the data stuff or I'd be charged.
Him: oh yeah that's right, well go ahead & use the back up assist now.
Me: okay, but how do I get TEN years of business contacts from my old phone?
Him: you don't...

So yeah 10yr of business contacts all gone... Thanks.

Are both phones the same model? I was able to cannibalize an old phone once to fix mine after dropping it in the pool. Maybe worth a shot to get the old one running just long enough to recover your contacts.

So I get a panicked message from a lady that says all of her email is GONE! I had just helped her restore the PST file from a workstation to a laptop yesterday. Before I even got a chance to reply, she said it was fixed. haha. People freak out when it comes to missing email.

Yes, I needed to hit the + sign under Personal.......I just saw blank space after Personal and panicked......Again being stupid....sorry for bothering you.

On phone customer:

Oh no I found out that all the things you just printed and delivered had a lot of mistakes and my boss is mad. We need to figure out a better system so I don't get in trouble again. Maybe if you didn't print them so fast, I'd have more time and a chance of catching the mistakes.

It's called proofreading. Don't send your files to the printer if.... they're not ready to print. I'm sorry I "printed them too fast."

Also, never send me things with WordArt in them.

lol... stop being so productive Mike, what are you thinking?

Customer goes to the trouble of typing out an entire menu, 8 pages in Word (used spaces instead of tabs for side prices of course), Ok, I can make that fit in a tri-fold format, that's not the issue.

The issue is that they keep bringing me the printed typed out 8 page version instead of emailing me the file. Email me and I don't have to retype the entire thing. They made a bunch of changes and ended up bringing me the typed out version again.

I told them plainly that by doing so, I'd be redoing the job you already did by typing it over, and I'd have to charge you about $90 of design time instead of around 10 minutes. The old man hinted that I was trying to scam him.

I told him to think about it again, "I'm actually helping you. The deal today is that I'll take your attitude and money or you can save both."

...it's because they are on paternity leave until December sometime. I hope BAC doesn't go bankrupt while I'm out.

Female customer calls

I have a question. Something that hasn't happened before came up and-
Woah woah woah, this sounds like something you should ask your parents about not me.
Wait what? No no ha. The post office link says I have to do priority or express now, so which box do I use?
Any box you want
It doesn't have to be a special one?
Nah. Some people are under the school of thought that says there's just one special box out there, but I think you should really try out a bunch of boxes until you figure out what fits just right.
Oh okay, I just thought... wait what are we talking about.
You're thinking to much. Get in there and really test them out and have fun with it. Don't limit yourself.
Oh dear Laughter

User is unable to remember his encryption password for his laptop. He clicks on the "Forgot Password" link and it comes up with security questions they answered when they originally setup the encryption account. "What is your favorite color?" He turns to me and asks, "Hmm, what is my favorite color?" Skip question. "What is your birthday?" He types something in and is told that was incorrect. Looking at me, "Hmm, what is my birthday?"

When you have tech support trying to help you, don't reboot and go to lunch. I'm closing your ticket and will not assist you when you still have problems after lunch. You get to call in a new ticket to Help Desk.

1:11PM Virgil - Hi, I have ticket ### requesting 3 packages be installed for LAMP. I've pushed those to your computer. Can you test to see if it's working now?

1:14PM Barry - what do I need to do? reboot?

1:17PM Virgil - I think you just need to close and reopen LAMP. They didn't give me any details of your errors, just that it needed additional packages installed.

1:30PM Barry - signing out on lunch so will do a re-start

Encrypted Files - Go ahead and lock them down, I'll just delete them.

This struck me as funny. I had some encrypted files getting in my way while trying to repair/install an application. I couldn't decrypt them because they were under another user's profile. I got access denied when trying to move or rename them. So, as a last resort, I deleted all of them. Success. I guess they are still encrypted if they are deleted. I just thought it was funny that I was blocked from doing anything else with them. Stupid encryption.

A printer friend called asking if I'd send a file over. As I hit send on email with the attachment, I said, Ok, it's in the tubes."
He confided just now that he called his dad that next day to check the front door of the house for a mailer tube sent from me.

I call "Tony" to tell him his roofing signs are ready for pickup
No answer so leave message explaining call.

Phone rings 10min later.
Caller, "Hey someone called me from this number."
"Is this Tony?"
"No this is his son."
"I called for Tony."
"Oh he's not here."
"Fine, tell him his roofing signs are ready."
"Ok."

30min later phone rings
Caller, "Yeah, someone called me from this number?"
"Is this Tony?"
"Yeah."
"Did the caller leave a message?"
"I dunno, my kid said some roof is finished."

Last week, the manager of the apartment complex I deliver to asked me to help her remove a software (PC Cleaner Pro) from her computer. It looked suspicious so I attempted to uninstall it. It didn't provide it's own uninstaller package, and when I went into Control Panel and used the Remove Software, only a pop-up advertisement came up. I only had a 30min lunch, so I decided to call the 800 number on the advertisement and see if their tech support would walk me through it. Otherwise, it's going to take me several hours of deleting registry entries. Here's my call:

After listening to 35mins of "on hold" music.

Agent: Hello and thanks for calling PC Cleaner Pro, how may I help you.

Me: Yes, I'm trying to uninstall this program. There isn't a "uninstall" option in the directory. I tried to uninstall it via the Control Panel, but when it launches, I just get a pop-up that says call this 800 number (secretly, I was thankful that the voice on the other side did not have a heavy Indian accent).

Agent: Why are you uninstalling it?

Me: This is not my PC. The owner did not intend to install it. She has no idea how it even got on her PC. This is why she wants it removed.

Agent: Why doesn't she use it? It can correct issues with her PC.

Me: Other than this rogue software, there is nothing wrong with her PC. I know, as I'm the one she calls with all here PC issue. I'm rather shocked that your software somehow installed itself. Thus, I have to assume it's a rogue spyware/malware/software. So, can you please assist me?

Agent: Our software is not a rogue software. Are you a PC tech?

Me: Yes. I have many years of experience working on hardware and software. As a matter of fact, I am capable of going into the registry and, line-by-line, remove this software. However, my time is short and I was looking for the direct path. Can you...

Agent: There is no need to be rude. Man, everyone who calls up here is always in such a bitchy mood! All I am trying to do is help you, so why are you being so rude to me?

Me: ?????? I'm sorry. I was not aware that I was being rude. I did say please. Since we're on the subject of rudeness, were you aware that you cut me off when I was finishing my sentence? Listen. I'm short on time. Will you please tell me the proper sequence of steps so I can remove this software... please.

Agent: Are you at the screen?

Me: Yes, I'm at the pop-up screen.

Agent: NO! Close all applications. Open Control Panel, Under Programs choose "Uninstall a Program". Wait for all programs to load. Find PC Cleaner Pro and choose "Uninstall".

Me: Uh...wait. When I do this, the only thing that happens is the advertisement pop-up screen with your 800 number. That's where I WAS when you loudly yelled "NO!" and told me to close everything! I'm exactly where I was!

Agent: Find a clear spot on the pop-up and left-click it 3-4 times quickly.

Me: Ah... now a "windows" popup appears and says that it's uninstalled. Is that it?

Agent: Yes.

Me: If your software is not a rogue software, then why make it so hard to uninstall? There was nothing on your popup that explains the uninstall process?

Agent: Is there anything else I can do for you?

Me: No, thanks. Thank you for you time.

Agent: You're welcome. Would you be interested in a free PC scan with our PC Cleaner Pro? It can find errors and clean it for you.

Me: Are you f@ckin serious? Serious?!? I'm hanging up on you now... thanks for burning up 42 minutes of my life that I will never get back.

Wow, good they didn't know you were a postal worker who owned guns. I shudder.